The Big Time.

Happy Wednesday!

I just wanted to share some amazing things that have happened this past week because of an almighty God I have the absolute privilege of serving. Every. Single. Day. I mean, honestly. Can we just take a moment to really let that one sink in? We are totally undeserving of His love and blessings on us, and yet, He still blesses and loves us. How could we not give Him glory, honor, and praise – even when life seems to be too much? He wants our praise through the good and bad. I can honestly say that has been one of the many things I’ve learned (and am still learning) during this journey. We are truly blessed!

Last week, I remember getting my nightly bathroom things finished up before bed, and it just hit me. What if this month doesn’t work again? How in the world will I be able to get through another heartache? And then, God showed up. I literally felt the most overwhelming emotion come over me, and I fell to my knees and said, “Thank you, God, for putting us on this journey. Thank you!” In that moment, I felt true peace. I’m not gonna lie, for a split second, I thought to myself, I must be going crazy. No, it was just God showing up big time for me. I needed that freeing moment. No one tells you how uptight you can become when going through something like this. Sure, there is the feeling of being anxious and excited, but trust me, the anxiousness far outweighs the excitement. But I literally felt like a wind-up toy. I finally let God release me.

If that’s not enough, someone shared an amazing blog post entitled, “But why does she get babies?” Even though I’ve been saved by the blood of Jesus Christ, I still have a sinful nature. Having said that, I totally was like, This person is speaking my language! Thankfully (unfortunately?;), it really wasn’t about validating those kinds of thoughts. She shared John 21: 20-22. Basically, Peter was meddling where he shouldn’t and was asking about another disciple, John.

Jesus said in verse 22, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” (ESV)

Talk about a wake up call.

What is it to me if the woman who only tried one month gets pregnant before me? What is it to me if the lady who already has 3 kids is pregnant again with her 4th? I mean, seriously!? I FOLLOW JESUS!
The cool thing about God and His Word is that it doesn’t just apply to me, it applies to you as well. How simple and challenging a command that is. Follow Jesus. That’s it. Who cares if they got a new car, house, clothes, better paying job – what is that to you? Jesus says, “You follow me!”

I had the privilege of sharing this on Sunday at my church before I sang. I can say that now, but when I was in that moment, I truly didn’t want to. I really fought the Holy Spirit. In part, because the person who told me I was vulgar and should keep my infertility to myself was there, and the other part was because I didn’t really think anybody cared to hear what God had laid upon my heart. Thanks to God’s leading, and Josh pushing me forward, I was able to share this. I’m super thankful I did.

Last night, Josh and I went to small group at one of our close friends’ house. Our small group is pretty laid back. We don’t ever really have a set study we do – we just share what has been on our heart the past week, or something that God has been working on in us. It’s pretty awesome. Anyways, one of the men spoke up about how my testimony had really touched him, and how God had used that this week in his own life.

I don’t tell you this in hopes of receiving compliments or glory. I’m sharing this because God can use you. When we first found out we would have trouble conceiving on our own, I never once thought that God would use my testimony to help others. When you think God can’t use you, He surprises you in the most unlikely of ways. I am truly thankful for that tonight – that I can somehow be used for His glory. Be in prayer, read the Word, and trust that God can and will use you for some pretty awesome things.

I know all of this sounds like my life is pretty great and so put together. Yes, my life is beautiful, but it’s also crazy scary. There were definitely moments in between where I would spaz out on Josh, or I would doubt God’s all-knowing plan for us, or I would scream and cry for no reason. I blame the latter on hormones, fo-sho. But seriously, I’m not perfect – not even close. And really, who wants to be perfect? It’s so boring. 🙂 I’m a work in progress, and I mess up, more than I care to share on here. I just want you to know that God is in the scary parts of your life, too. He takes the strands of brokenness and turns them into a tapestry of grace.

I leave you with silliness – because smiling is my favorite. 🙂

Juicy J In The House.

It’s hard to believe that we’re already almost half way through February! I mean, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day! Yikes! It’s exciting and sad at the same time. Time flying is a love/hate relationship of mine. It drags when I don’t want it to, and it goes by fast when I don’t want it to. I think that’s called being a woman. I’m so indecisive! 😉

As many of you know, our first IUI attempt did not work. But, that’s okay! We’ve already moved on and are starting our 2nd attempt this weekend. I’m really excited. Today, we went to see how many follicles (eggs) I had produced. Número uno! One less than last month, but this months follicle is HUGE. My doctor, who is from India and has a great accent, said to me, “Wow, that is one big, juicy follicle!”. Boy, was he right!

That black abyss you see is my egg. The force is definitely strong with this one! 😉 It only takes one to make a baby, and by golly, if this one doesn’t I don’t know what will! As a side note, Josh has named this months egg Juicy J. Very fitting. ;P

In other news, we’ve also had some other excitement in our journey. Josh and I are finally pre-approved to start house hunting! We’ve waited four years to finally buy a house, and Josh now has enough credit built up for us to make that happen. We have been praying and praying, and God has just opened the door wide for us – it is so amazing to see God answer prayer. It gives me so much hope. 🙂

So, stay tuned to see what else God unveils during our journey – guaranteed to be an exciting ride! Please keep us in your prayers – they WORK.

If At First You Don’t Succeed…

Try, try again. 🙂

I’m kind of going back on what I said when I exclaimed to the world that I wouldn’t be sharing whether or not our first IUI worked.

Welp. It didn’t.

And that’s okay.

Saturday came (2-1-14) and I tested. It quickly came back negative. The whole week leading up to Saturday I was pretty calm. Obviously, I was anxious and really wanting to know – but I still felt pretty calm. I’m such a dork, though. There were certain things that happened to me last week, where I thought those could be early pregnancy signs – but it was just me trying to reach out there for something. I ended up starting my cycle yesterday.

I’m gonna brag a bit on myself. I was extremely okay on Saturday. I didn’t start screaming or ripping my clothes off in anguish and frustration. I wasn’t even mad. Josh will even tell you that I handled it all very well.

The only thing I felt on Saturday was sadness.

I had tested around 9am, and went back to our bedroom once I got the news. I was just kind of like, “Well, okay God. I guess I knew this was coming”. Josh finally got up and I told him the news. He hugged me and told me he was going to make a huge breakfast for us. While listening to him watch “Andy Griffith” and smelling all that amazing bacon, I started to pray. I thanked God for the opportunity to try our first IUI this past month, and thanked him for the news – even though it wasn’t what I wanted.
We sat down to eat, and it finally just hit me square in the face. We lost Sunny and Shelly. My heart dropped, and I began to weep. It was probably the most ridiculous sight.

Since about the first year of trying, I had stopped hoping. My hopes would be so high every month, it was just too painful. This month, I let myself hope again. Everything hurt.

After Josh cleaned up the flood of tears, we talked and he settled me down. I can honestly say I was not angry or bitter towards God. Just really sad.

Thanking God for something you didn’t want to happen is so against our human flesh. On Saturday, it was easy. I’m not saying it’s like this every month, but this time, it was easier for me. I just kept thinking He’s got this under control and knows the plans for our lives. I took so much comfort in that.

So, here’s to February! Round #2. 🙂 Our chances are definitely better this month than last months. I can’t wait to see how many eggs I have next week!

Keep praying for us – your prayers mean so much to us and God definitely hears them!